Beth: do you guys have Menards in Ohio?
Beth: so I’ve been telling people to go to Menards and find the 2 lb bag of Albanian gummy bears because they are the freshest, softest, tastiest candy I’ve ever had but I just realized the bag says Albanese. not Albanian. not the country.
Kristen: oh man
Beth: but whatever, the product recommendation still stands
Kristen: wait. isn’t menards a hardware store? like a big box home depot type place?
Beth: yes it is. sweet christ they sell individual flavors. the mix doesn’t have the white strawberry
Kristen: those little berry blue ones look delicious
Beth: 5lbs is $9.99. I’m going to die of diabetes in April
Kristen: Haha. ooh i bet the pineapple ones are good, too. DAMNIT i want them all. where is my fucking pizza.
Beth: those are in the mix, those are good.
Kristen: i ordered one of those specialty pizzas that have like 17 different kinds of meat on them. they are typically called “meat lovers” or something
this particular one? it’s called “the butcher shop” so i had to ask someone over the phone to please bring me a medium “The Butcher Shop”
Beth: I eat cheese pizza. you and I would be terrible wives.
Kristen: you eat PLAIN CHEESE PIZZA!!!
Beth: there are worse kinds of pizza
Kristen: okay, kevin mcallister
Beth: hold on, I’ll show you
Beth: boom. liquid vegan pizza. I win. we all lose really, but I win the conversation
Kristen: that’s kinda gross. although right now i am so hungry that i would probably eat it.
Beth: that’s their slogan. “If you’re dying on a mountain, you’d probably eat it”