Four Thousand Dollars

April 18, 2014 — 3 Comments

For thirteen years and five and a half months, I was a paper pusher.  A document generator.  A file cabinet filler.  It wasn’t my goal, but I could only get my job done, I could only make my boss happy if she saw those piles of paper flying off my desk and onto her desk and onto another desk and carried up the hallway and stacked on a cart and wheeled to the other end of the building to rest untouched for a few years before being carried up a flight of stairs to live in eternity.

I tried to make changes and then I gave up.  I pointed to a computer screen and said “it’s all right here now” but she asked me to hit print to prove it and then the paper stacks doubled in size.  I joked about how I wasn’t even sure we had customers at the other end of the paper, it would take us years to notice if we lost them all.  Every year between Christmas and New Years, the office supply truck would arrive with another load of filing cabinets.  Drawer labels and dividers.  More carts.  More folders.

I balanced the carpal tunnel of my college years with the pain of a staple under a fingernail now and then, death by a thousand papercuts.  And then I quit my job.

For thirteen years and five and a half months, I was a file cabinet filler and then I quit and then my boss sold the whole company to somebody new.  He walked in and the first thing he said was “throw it all away”.

It’s going to cost them $4,000 to shred it all and it makes me wince but it also makes me wish I could set up a lawn chair and watch it happen.

I Just Invented It

March 26, 2014

wpid-screenshot_2014-03-25-19-25-14.png

wpid-screenshot_2014-03-25-19-25-23.png

Things kind of pile up when I don’t post anything new here for a month, and then I feel like I can’t post *new* new things because I haven’t posted the *old* new things. So here is roughly a month and a half of updates at once.

Early February: Dan and I attended First Look for Charity at the Chicago Auto Show. We dressed up fancy.

Sometimes guys shoes are more fun.  #winter #chicago #letstrade

We looked at cars.  And a TQ midget!

Untitled

We took drunk selfies.

Untitled

And drunker Divvy bike photos.

Untitled

It was a super fun night for the benefit of some great charities and I would love to make it an annual thing.

Mid February:  Ada grows enough hair to have ponytails and pigtails and all manner of tails.

First Pigtails

Dan and I see James Franco read poetry and show a short film.

Untitled

The Q&A with James Franco gets cut due to time.  Pressing questions are never answered, James Franco.

Untitled

Late February, the Daytona 500 happens.  I make some carnitas and spend the day drinking cilantro flavored vodka.

Untitled

Untitled

Ada talks every adult walking through the race shop kitchen into giving her a cookie.  Harley follows her around all day hoping she’ll pay forward the generosity.

Untitled

Late February through current times:  Ada gets potty trained with the help of Best Bottoms and a Lightning McQueen potty.

Shit just got real.  #pottytalk

This involves a lot of bribery, including plastic eggs filled with surprises, lots of fingernail and toenail painting, and “lipstick”.

Untitled

And olives. God bless my little olive-eater.

Untitled

“Is that an olive? No? Then let’s cover it in peanut butter, Mom.”

Untitled

Early March, I go to New Jersey/New York for a weekend.

Untitled

Celebrated my birthday, ate some cupcakes.

Untitled

Celebrated that it was Friday, ate some more dessert.

I heart NY

Saw Measure for Measure at the New Liberty Theater with my friend Mare. Spent some time in Princeton, NJ with a big group of ladies I met on the internet. Flew home.

Untitled

Dan and Ada picked me up at O’Hare and we had one last trip to the Des Plaines Oasis following an airport pickup.  They’ll be tearing it down to widen the interstate.  So we took pictures, ate pretzels, and directed airplane traffic.

Untitled

A trip to Target seems hardly worth the update but we do it with style.

Untitled

Ada tries to do lots of things with style lately.

Untitled

I caught her doing this/took this picture only 20 minutes after the events described in that screenshot.

Untitled

And that brings us up to this past weekend, where I got my hair cut and we accidentally went to a parade.

Untitled

And Ada decided downtown Rockford is pretty awesome, what with all the candy throwing and costumes.

Untitled

I don’t even know how to tell her that it was a special event so if you guys could just throw candy at us whenever you see us, that would be great.