Me: can we name our first son Bruiser?
Marc: You sure about Bruiser? People are going to assume he’s violent. It’s like naming our daughter Fantasy and expecting her not to become a stripper
Me: I think it’ll be totes cute when he’s a teeny little thing toddling all over the place, and then when he plays professional football, it will be assumed it’s a nickname
Marc: I was thinking Fisticuffs
Me: and then when he’s a Supreme Court justice, it will be like the best CSPAN confirmation hearing ever.
Marc: do you really think OUR child will keep his nose clean enough to become a SCJ?
Me: dude. that’s why you’re there, to be the tough parent that keeps him in line. also, I was thinking that Fantasy will probably be the problem child
Marc: true. Let’s name him Ezekiel. So we can call him Zeke.
Me: I want him to be an NFL SCJ, not a cowboy.
Marc: Save a horse, ride a justice
Me: oh god
Marc: i think i saw Clarence Thomas wearing that shirt. and spurs
Me: and nothing else
Marc: it’s good to have tenure